


Uninhibited

by Rubadubababyoil



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Early Queen (Band), Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Freddie, Love Confessions, M/M, Roger Taylor (Queen) Is a Good Friend, Roger and John tease the hell out of them, Sick Brian May, but do so lovingly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24085636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubadubababyoil/pseuds/Rubadubababyoil
Summary: Freddie is worried sick when Brian ends up in the hospital again, this time from a stomach ulcer. When Brian wakes up, heavily medicated and confused from the anesthesia, he accidentally reveals their relationship to Roger and John.Freddie is not amused.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 28
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a fic where Roger and John find out about them :)

They were all waiting anxiously for the doctor to come in and tell them if Brian was okay.

Freddie was, in short, a wreck. He couldn’t sit down or stop pacing, despite Roger and John trying to get him to calm down, but how could he? He was worried sick, and couldn’t even smoke a cigarette without his nausea increasing. The image of Brian growing as pale as a ghost, clutching his stomach, and then crumpling to the floor in the studio was burned behind his eyelids. That was hours ago, but the racing of Freddie’s heart hadn’t stopped since. Too many times. Brian had been rushed to the hospital too many fucking times for only being in his late 20s. It was bad enough when he turned yellow from hepatitis and they had to come back home. Brian had been utterly miserable on the flight back, in too much pain to sleep but too much discomfort to do anything but think about how terribly he felt. He had been sweating and shaking, and Freddie held his hand tightly during the plane ride back. The incident scared him so badly that, after several weeks of recovery and when they were alone, Freddie just had to confess how he felt, because Brian got dangerously close to never being able to hear the truth. 

But the fact that they were together now made Freddie feel worse because he should have noticed, damn it! They didn’t live together, due to their relationship being new and their desire to keep it a secret, but he still should have seen that Brian was hiding something from him. When Freddie asked Brian if he was okay the second time he had to run out of a recording session to go vomit in the bathroom, he shouldn’t have believed him when he brushed him off and said he was still recovering from the hepatitis, _nothing to worry about, Fred._

The liar.

Now Brian was in emergency surgery because this whole time he’d had an ulcer, which turned inflamed enough to become a blockage. The doctor made it clear that a blockage will kill a person if left untreated. Freddie never gasped in terror in his life, but he almost did, if he hadn’t put a hand over his mouth. 

As he paced, he was consumed with guilt. Why did he believe Brian? Why didn’t he pay more attention and ask what was wrong more, like a good boyfriend would? Here he was, finally with someone as wonderful as Brian May, and Freddie was fucking everything up on a massive scale. He would never be happy. What if Brian hated him for this? He would have every right to accuse Freddie of being a horrific partner and break up. It would only be fair. Everything was falling apart. Even if Brian recovered, they would break up. The band might break up too—

Freddie jumped when a hand grasped his shoulder.

“Fred,” Roger said, his blue eyes tired and pale in the harsh lighting of the waiting room. “You’ve got to calm down. We can’t have the doctors start treating you for a panic attack.”

Freddie knew his lip must have been raw and red from biting it so much, but he did it again. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Roger just shook his head and led him by the shoulders back to a chair. “C’mon. He should be finished soon.”

Freddie reluctantly sat down, only for the sake of Roger and John. He didn’t want to make this harder for them. He knew they were worried, too, but he couldn’t explain why he was losing his mind right now. He didn’t think Roger and John would judge their relationship, but Freddie could never quite shake the fear of being met with repulsion by the people closest to him, all because he liked boys. It wouldn’t be the first time in his life.

After what felt like years, the doctor finally came out to tell them that Brian’s surgery was a success, and that they could go see him.

“Remember, it was major surgery, so he’s on some pretty heavy medication,” the doctor warned. “He might experience temporary confusion.”

Freddie didn’t care about that, because his Brian was _alive._ Nothing on earth would stop him from seeing him. He had to stop himself from running to the room, mindful of Roger and John walking beside him. There was an overwhelming swarm of emotions in his chest. He was relieved that everything went well, but his guilt remained. What if Brian wanted to break up with him as soon as they got a moment alone?

When the three of them entered the room, they did so quietly.

Brian had his own room and he was lying on his back in the bed, face turned away from them.

They pulled up chairs to the side of the bed and sat down, all in silent agreement that they would be here for him to awaken. They sat in a row, with Freddie being the farthest one down. It was for the best; he might take Brian’s hand in his if he sat any closer.

The rise and fall of Brian’s chest was slow, and Freddie had shared enough nights with him to know this sleep was artificially deep, the sleep of the heavily medicated, and not the peaceful sleep he’d observed Brian experience in his bed. Freddie wished he could take away all of his pain so he didn’t have to be on all that medication, but he knew Brian was stubborn and would probably want his morphine lowered at some point before he was ready. Freddie could be stubborn, too, and he resolved to be a good boyfriend and ensure Brian got all of the proper rest he needed.

 _Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?_ he asked silently. They were boyfriends. They were supposed to let each other in. Brian was suffering immensely, and he didn’t say a word about it to Freddie. That hurt. A lot.

“Did you know anything about this?” Roger had asked Freddie when Brian went into surgery.

“No,” he’d said with remorse. “I wish I did.”

A quiet groan broke through Freddie’s thoughts. His heart leapt into his throat when Brian’s hand curled in the sheets by his side.

“Brian, mate?” Roger called him, his raspy voice uncharacteristically soft. “You awake now?”

Brian turned his face towards them, his hair a mess, but his eyes were closed. His brow was pinched, and it looked like he was struggling to wake up.

“Brian? Hello?”

“Must be a lot of anesthesia,” John said.

Brian’s eyes darted under the lids, and they fluttered open for a moment and shut again.

“Should we keep talking to wake him up?” John asked. 

“Maybe,” Roger said, scooting his chair forward. “Brian, can you hear us?”

Brian groaned again.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’” John laughed quietly.

Freddie wished he could plant delicate kisses all over his face, but his lips remained still. He was so overwhelmed that he didn’t know what to say.

Brian’s eyes finally opened for real, albeit only halfway and with the hazy cloud of anesthetics over them. He laid there and blinked sluggishly, a slight furrow forming between his brow. He made a questioning hum.

“The doctor said you’d be confused,” Roger said with a small smile. “That’s all right. You were just a colossal idiot and let yourself get sick again.”

Brian blinked again. “Rog?” he whispered.

“Yes, genius,” he teased. “You’re in hospital. Stomach pain, remember?”

The tiniest light of understanding entered his gaze. “I think so.” He frowned. “Still hurts.”

“That’s because you had surgery,” John said patiently, “but the doctor said you’ll be fine.” 

“Oh,” he said simply, sounding like a child. He blinked slowly again. “Ow.” His hand started to inch towards his abdomen.

“Don’t,” Roger told him. “Don’t fuck with your incision.”

Brian grunted moodily.

John lowered his voice and turned his head to Freddie. “Maybe we should wait to tell him details until he’s more aware.”

“Good idea,” Freddie said.

At the sound of his voice, Brian turned his head and his eyes landed on him, and he must not have seen Freddie up until this point (or his drugged brain hadn’t registered his presence until now). His light eyes widened and a lopsided smile spread across his face. “Freddie!” he greeted brightly.

Warmth burst in Freddie’s chest. _He’s happy to see me. He doesn’t hate me!_ At least for now. He couldn’t hold back a toothy grin. “Hello, darling.”

“Oi, we didn’t get a warm welcome,” Roger grumbled.

“Jealous?” Freddie teased. He could nearly faint from the relief flowing through his veins right now. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted to hear Brian say his name again.

Roger rolled his eyes. “No,” he said. Then, to Brian. “Why didn’t John and I get a greeting like that?”

Brian squinted. “‘Cause he’s cute and you’re not," he slurred.

_Oh, fuck._

Roger spluttered and coughed. _“What?”_

John looked at Freddie, like _can you believe this?_

And the answer was no, Freddie could not. He was frozen in his seat. _What? What?!_

Brian lifted his arms and held them out, focused on Freddie again. “C’mere.”

Freddie didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and instantly Roger and John were staring at him with raised eyebrows. He decided to play it off. Everyone knew Brian was drugged like crazy right now. None of this had to mean anything. He laughed nervously. “What are you on about?”

Brian opened and closed his hands. “I want you,” he said, voice bordering on a whine.

 _How much fucking anesthesia did they give him?!_ Freddie’s brain screamed. Brian would never act so carelessly if he had his wits. “Um. Well, I’m right here.”

Roger and John looked no less surprised than they did a few seconds ago.

“But I want you here,” Brian said, definitely whining now. "You're too far away."

Freddie could hardly believe his eyes. None of them ever saw Brian like this before, not even when he was drunk. He clearly had no self-awareness of any sort. He would never out them so easily, or be so openly needy, for that matter. Brian liked doting upon Freddie, but didn’t usually ask for affection—in fact, he rarely asked for anything (especially for help…).

Freddie shook his head. “You’re high, Brian, and quite nonsensical.”

“No, I’m not,” he denied, lowering his arms. “I’ve never been high.”

“You are now,” Roger said, sounding a little amused, but his eyes were going back and forth between him and Freddie.

John was watching him. His silence was unnerving.

Freddie was sweating like crazy now and it was torture to keep still in his chair and act like he was just as confused over Brian’s behavior as the others.

Brian grunted and shook his head. “I’m not high,” he insisted. “I just want Freddie. I don’t feel good.”

Freddie took a steadying breath, his heart hammering away. “You don’t feel good because you’re confused and medicated.”

“Why do you want Freddie so badly?” John pressed.

“He makes me feel good," Brian explained simply, like it was obvious. He sniffed tiredly and blinked slowly, like a cat.

There was palpable silence.

"Does he, now?" Roger asked, lips slowly pulling up into a smirk.

Freddie stood up abruptly. “Ignore him, he’s high as a kite,” he waved his hand. He looked at Brian. “If I come over there, will that make you feel better?” 

Brian smiled again and nodded.

Freddie sighed. “Move over, Deacy,” he muttered.

John and Roger moved down a chair, so the chair closest to being next to Brian’s head was free.

 _“Only_ because you’re unwell,” Freddie said, trying to put on a show of being uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable, but not because Brian wanted him. He sat down in the chair and smiled warily. “Here I am.”

Brian smiled up at him, his eyes twinkling but still obviously drugged. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Boy, being drugged sure makes him happy,” John commented. “And like Freddie,” he added under his breath.

Freddie hated this.

Brian pouted. “I’m not drugged.”

“This again?” Roger asked with slight exasperation. 

“You are,” Freddie told him. “But it’s going to be all right. It’ll wear off soon.”

He sunk back into his pillow, looking tired. “Hope so. I don’t like this.” Brian laid there thoughtfully for a pause. “Why am I here, again?”

John snorted, but Freddie sighed. “You got very sick,” he told him, looking down at Brian’s hand on the bed instead of his bleary, dazed expression. “You were sick for awhile and didn’t tell us until it was too late. You kept vomiting, remember? But apparently, we didn’t know just how much.” Now that the words started coming out, Freddie had a hard time stopping them. It felt like a hand was squeezing his heart, the memory of Brian collapsing flashing before his eyes. He shuddered. “You didn’t take care of yourself and you almost died. Again, Brian.” _I almost lost you again._ “The doctor made that quite clear,” he mumbled. “If you hadn’t gotten surgery when you did…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He’d said too much, too worn out and on edge to stop himself. “Well. No use thinking about what-ifs.”

Roger and John were quiet beside him.

Brian reached out and touched his arm.

Freddie raised his eyes.

Through the cloud of anesthesia, Brian was concerned. That was typical of him, to push through his own discomfort because Freddie was upset.

Freddie recognized this, and despite his melancholy, he gave him a small smile.

When Brian spoke, his voice was gentle but his tone was somber. “Freddie, don’t look like that. I don’t like when you’re sad, baby.”

Freddie jerked upright in his chair, flushing instantly. He couldn’t talk his way out of this one, could he? Brian never dropped pet names to his friends.

“Freddie?” Roger said, drawing out his name.

Freddie didn’t look at them, feeling trapped, and like the shy boy he’d been when he got caught kissing another boy in India. The pounding of his heart was almost painful.

“Is there something you two wanna tell us?” Roger’s tone was...not upset, or disgusted. It almost sounded—warm?

Freddie cautiously looked to Roger and John.

They were _smiling._

Freddie blinked curiously. They were okay with this?

Brian tilted his head in confusion. “Have we not told you?”

“Nooo,” John’s grin grew wider.

He beamed and grabbed Freddie’s hand. “We’re dating!”

Freddie groaned and put his burning face in his free hand. _“Brian,”_ he chastised.

Roger and John whooped and hollered.

Freddie spread his fingers to look at them.

“So _that’s_ what the hell’s going on,” Roger said, with the biggest shit-eating on his face.

This was the most surreal day of Freddie’s life. His shyness was shining through, because having Roger and John see Brian’s loving side directed towards him was _embarrassing._ His face burned with humiliation, but he had to admit that he felt flattered that Brian wanted him so much. Plus, Roger and John seemed surprisingly okay with this.

“Brian’s going to be quite embarrassed about this later on, isn’t he?” John mused lowly.

“If only we could film this somehow,” Roger said.

“Good thing you can’t,” Freddie mumbled. He put his hand down. He might as well own it and take control over the situation. He lifted his chin and mustered up confidence. “Yes, well, now you know. We’re together and that’s that.”

Brian squeezed his hand.

“How long has this been going on?” John asked.

The truth was out, so he might as well tell it all. “Two months. We _had_ agreed to keep it a secret,” Freddie said pointedly, although it was unfair to be angry at Brian.

He deflated. “Oh. Right,” Brian said. “Sorry, baby.”

“Is that what he usually calls you?” John wiggled his eyebrows.

Freddie was blushing hard and he moaned in anguish. “Shut up!”

“Soooo, Brian,” Roger scooted his chair forward. “You like Freddie a lot, huh?” he asked, because he was a bastard.

Brian’s face turned soft and he looked up at Freddie. “Yeah,” he breathed. “He’s fantastic.”

“D’awwww,” Roger mocked before snickering.

It was incredibly difficult for Freddie to stop a giddy smile from taking over his face, because he couldn’t get enough of Brian’s praises. But he held it together. “Don’t tease him while he’s in this state,” he scolded Roger.

“Uh, hello? Once in a lifetime opportunity here!” he laughed. 

“What do you like about Freddie?” John asked, because secretly, he was an even bigger bastard than Roger.

Brian hummed happily. “So many things.”

“Hang on,” Roger said with a frown. “In the studio, a few times you’d pull Freddie aside into another room because you wanted to discuss things ‘privately.’ That was bullshit, wasn’t it?” he accused. “You two were probably snogging!”

Freddie didn’t have a response because it was true. On days when Brian felt all right, he’d find some excuse to get a minute alone with Freddie to kiss the living daylights out of him. He enjoyed watching Freddie become dazed and have to act natural when they went back in front of everyone. The cheeky bitch.

Through the drugs, Brian’s smile turned smug. “Yeah,” he admitted easily.

Roger made a gagging sound. 

But Brian apparently wasn’t finished. “Can’t help it,” he squeezed Freddie’s hand. “We’re in love.”

Freddie choked, because they had _not_ said those words to each other yet and, out of all the scenarios he imagined where Brian May confessed his love to him, this was not one of them! 

“Woah,” John said with wide eyes, and Roger started laughing heartily.

Freddie took his hand away and stood up, walking to the other side of the room with a low, pained whine in his throat, because Roger and John were _right here_ and this wasn’t some simple sex joke they could all laugh about; Brian was being sweet as pie, and it was making Freddie _melt_ but _no one needed to see that!_

“Freddie, baby?” Brian called, sounding upset.

Just then, a nurse entered their room and smiled politely. “Excuse me, gentlemen, but visiting hours end in ten minutes.”

“Thank you, dear,” Freddie said to her, secretly glad that they had an excuse to leave because he might actually die from embarrassment if Brian gushed over him in front of their friends again.

“Well, you heard her,” Roger said as the nurse left. “We should get going, lover boy.”

“Oh. Okay,” Brian said with evident disappointment.

“We’ll be back tomorrow,” John smiled reassuringly. He grasped Roger’s shoulder. “Rog, maybe we should give him a minute alone with Freddie.”

“Please,” Freddie said, trying not to sound like a moody child, but failing.

Roger winked at Freddie. “Sure thing. We’ll wait outside.”

Freddie glared at them, very much wanting them to leave this instant. He stood with his arms crossed until the door closed after them, and then he was at Brian’s side. He let all of the adoration he felt for Brian on his face. “Finally,” he said, not feeling on edge for the first time all day. He wanted to have a serious conversation about Brian letting himself get this sick, but he was in no condition for that tonight. In addition, he was still freaking out over the whole _in love_ thing, but he didn’t know what to do with that right now. What if Brian didn’t mean it and only said it because he was high? Freddie wouldn’t be able to handle Brian telling him he hadn’t meant it later, so he decided not to mention it.

But, god, was his heart hurting.

Brian was pouting up at him. “Are you angry with me?”

“No,” Freddie took his beloved face in his hands. “I only wanted them to leave, sweetheart. You’re right as rain.” He just couldn’t be cross with his poor dear right now. He wished he could spend the night here with him, but there was no way the hospital would allow that.

Brian didn’t look happy. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Freddie kissed his cheek. “I swear I’ll be back first thing in the morning. You need your rest.” 

Brian tried to sit up, but he grunted in pain.

“Exactly my point,” Freddie said. “Don’t try to move.” He placed a soft kiss to his lips. “You’ll be all right,” he whispered against his mouth, to Brian and to himself. Despite the heavy doses of medication making him act silly, the paleness of his skin and the dark circles under his eyes revealed that he was, in no way, well yet, and would be in terrible pain without the IV in his arm.

Brian stole another kiss. “Come back soon,” he said sadly.

“As soon as I can,” he promised. He kissed him again, but Brian followed his mouth when he tried to pull back, and the kiss turned long and slow. _I missed you,_ Freddie thought as he reveled in the feeling of Brian’s soft lips caressing his. _I love you._ He broke the kiss. “See you soon,” he whispered, with a tightness in his throat. 

Brian reluctantly laid back. “See you.”

Once the door was shut behind Freddie, he let out a long, deep sigh. What a day.

 _"We're in love"_ played over and over in his head. His knees felt like jelly. If Brian meant that...no, he shouldn't get his hopes up. That wouldn't stop him from going to bed tonight and imagining Brian curled up behind him, whispering that he loved Freddie in his ear, but still.

He found Roger and John waiting for him in the lobby. He didn’t want to deal with them after all of that, but Freddie wasn’t a coward. They were his band mates and friends. They would have found out eventually. He had to face them.

“Well,” Freddie clapped his hands together. “That’s that. Let’s leave, shall we?” As they walked through the car park, he felt their eyes on him. “All right, out with it,” he said. “Whatever you want to say, say it now.”

Roger was smirking, but it was friendly. “Congratulations, mate.”

“Yeah,” John grinned.

They walked a few more steps without another word.

Freddie stopped walking. “That’s it?” he blurted out. “That’s all you’ve got to say?”

They stopped walking, too. Roger sighed. “Look, we’re fine with it. Really. It was kind of a weird way to find out, and it’s just a little weird because you’re our friends, you know? But it looks like the curly sod really cares about you, so.” He shrugged. 

John chimed in. “More than cares. ‘In love,’ eh?”

Freddie looked down at the ground, pressing his lips together. “That was news to me.”

“Wait,” Roger held up a hand. “He didn’t say the l-word before?”

“No,” Freddie admitted, eyes down on his shoes.

He whistled. “Jeez, Fred, no wonder why you looked like you wanted to jump out a window. He’s such a moron sometimes. Sorry for ruining the moment and all.”

Freddie looked at them with a small smile. “As if you weren’t enjoying yourselves,” he accused without heat.

“We were,” John admitted. “That’s still a bit of a bombshell, isn’t it? That’s why I wanted to give you two a moment alone.”

“Thank you.” All of the anxiety that had been prickling in Freddie’s stomach began to fade. This went far better than he expected. Roger and John weren’t like the people from his past. He shouldn’t have pre-judged them. Maybe it would be better not having to hide, after all.

“So,” Roger knocked his shoulder with his. “Did you say it back?”

Freddie rolled his eyes. “Nosy bastard.”

“I’m just curious!”

“No.”

“Why not?” Roger demanded, looking at him like he was crazy.

“He was high!” Freddie defended himself. “He was probably talking out of his arse and didn't mean it.”

When John spoke, his tone was serious. “You know, Roger, I think they really are meant to be. One is just as stupid as the other.”

“Got that right!” Roger laughed.

“If that’s the only reason you didn’t say it back,” John thought aloud, “then that means you _are_ in love with him?”

Freddie had enough blushing for one day. “Oh, you!” he stomped his foot and stalked to Roger’s car.

Okay, maybe having the support of his friends was worse than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a very sober Brian finding out what he said lol


	2. Chapter 2

As he promised, Freddie was at the hospital as soon as visiting hours started again. He had gotten Roger and John to agree to give him and Brian some time alone today, thank god, so he was eager to see him. Freddie was surprised to enter the room and see Brian awake already.

“Awake before noon?” Freddie asked, only partly joking.

Brian’s smile was dimmed. “Can’t sleep much.”

Freddie sat down next to him, and he could immediately tell that Brian was much less medicated than yesterday. His eyes were alert and pain gnawed at his features. The hospital gown hung loosely on his shoulders, making him look thinner than usual, and small. The pale morning sunlight only seemed to highlight the exhausted dark circles under his eyes. “Does it hurt badly, darling?” Freddie reached out and held his hand.

“Only a little,” he denied.

He took a deep breath. _Don’t start an argument,_ he reminded himself. “Brian.”

“What?”

“Stop lying to me.”

His brows furrowed. “I’m not.”

“Just as you didn’t lie when you kept telling me you were fine?” Freddie said, looking him in the eye.

Brian winced. “I…didn’t mean to,” he finished lamely.

“Sure,” Freddie said flatly.

“I’m serious,” Brian retracted his hand. “I really didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Now that Brian was more sober today, Freddie allowed his anger to emerge. “The doctor spoke with us while you were in surgery. You told him you’d been vomiting multiple times a day and felt severe abdominal pain. You honestly thought that wasn’t a big deal? You’ve studied bloody astrophysics, and you didn’t think that was a dangerous sign?”

Maybe Brian would have argued another time, but he truly did look worse for wear today. He was high and goofy last night, but was the polar opposite this morning. His features crumpled with guilt. “I didn’t want to worry you,” he said quietly.

Freddie hated worrying others, too, but this was extreme. “Yes, because watching my boyfriend collapse wasn’t worrying at all,” he said sarcastically. He looked at the wall when he saw Brian’s face fall. The memory was before his eyes again, and he was re-watching Brian’s eyes roll back the second before he fell to the floor like a marionette. “And having my boyfriend rushed in for emergency surgery or else he might die wasn’t worrying, either,” he said, his voice much more fragile than he wanted. Then his mind was back on the plane, when Brian was yellow and sweating and shaking with Freddie holding his hand as tightly as he could. He remembered Brian’s sickly face, his desperate, glazed-over eyes looking to Freddie helplessly. It took all of Freddie’s strength to be strong for him, to not visibly panic and start crying. “Especially not after I almost lost you a few months ago, too,” he said thickly. He swallowed. He really wasn’t trying to start an argument, but he barely slept last night from how upset he was over this entire incident. He finally felt like he was in a good relationship, only for his partner to go and keep how ill he was a secret and nearly die. If the worst had happened, Freddie honestly didn’t know what he would have done. A world without Brian...it was unthinkable.

Brian sat up and hissed in pain. 

Freddie’s eyes flew to him. “Don’t—” he blinked, and his face felt wet. What?

Brian’s large hands cupped his cheeks, and his thumbs swept over his skin. He looked miserable. “Freddie, honey, don’t cry,” he said gently, face stricken with remorse.

Oh, that was why his face was wet. He hardly ever cried in front of anyone. He didn’t know what to do. “I…”

Brian kissed his forehead. “I’m sorry,” he pulled back. ”I really didn’t think you’d be so upset. That was stupid of me.”

Freddie sniffled, trying not to outright weep while Brian was holding his face. God, he was more fucked up by this than he’d thought. “Just tell me when you’re hurting,” he pleaded. 

“I will,” he kissed the tip of his nose. “I will. I’m sorry.” He stroked his cheeks again and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. He pressed more kisses to his cheek.

Freddie swallowed hard. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. He had to know.

Brian let go of him and sat back, grimacing in pain before settling. He was looking away. “I guess...I’ve been in one of my dark moods for awhile,” he confessed slowly. “Ever since returning from America, really. It was hard being away from everyone for weeks in a hospital room. I thought I’d feel normal again sooner, but I really haven’t. It’s been difficult, wanting to feel better but not. I don’t see the point in taking care of myself when I’m like this, and I honestly didn’t think to tell you. I get in my head.”

Freddie shook his head sadly. He knew about Brian’s depression, but not that self-destructive tendency. It was concerning. “You won’t be alone this time,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I’ll come every day. _Tell me_ when these moods happen so you can talk about it. You never say if something’s wrong, physical or otherwise. Change that. For me, Bri.” He knew that he’d been feeling down since the hepatitis, but yet again, he hadn’t known the extent.

Brian nodded and returned his gaze. “Okay,” he said, looking ashamed of himself. “I’ll try. I’m still sorry about this.”

“I know you are.” If it had been someone else, Freddie would be paranoid and think he wasn’t trusted and being lied to, but he’d known Brian for years and knew he was being honest about his mental health issues. He wished he could help, but that was impossible if Brian didn’t allow him. But maybe that was another conversation for another day. Freddie lifted Brian’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckle. “This will never happen again,” he decided. “You’ve got to take care of yourself in the future.”

Brian nodded against the pillow. “It’s not easy sometimes, but you have my word.”

Freddie sighed and lowered his hand. He had a feeling this conversation would come up again, but he dropped it for now for Brian’s sake. “All right.” He smiled wryly. “I’ll ask you again: does your incision hurt?”

He looked away sheepishly. “Quite a lot,” he muttered.

Freddie kissed his cheek. “My poor darling,” he fretted. He went to run a hand through Brian’s hair, but his fingers got stuck in the curls. They both laughed.

“Sorry,” Freddie removed his fingers.

“That’s okay. It hasn’t been brushed in over a day.”

“You dandelion.”

Brian’s cheeks turned a pleased pink.

Freddie settled on smoothing the curls away from his forehead instead, knowing how much Brian loved his hair being played with (and Freddie loved having Brian turn into a puddle beneath his fingers). He knew he couldn’t take away the pain, but he could try to help. “In any case, I’m sorry you’re in pain.”

Brian shrugged one shoulder. “It’s to be expected. The doctor came in earlier and told me everything. He said the ulcer was a ticking time bomb that would have caused problems sooner or later—although I made things worse by waiting too long,” he added. “A nurse told me to call if I’m in too much pain for more morphine, but I’d rather be lucid.”

Freddie bit his lip, still petting back his hair.

Brian quirked an eyebrow. “What?”

 _Oh, lord._ How much should he tell him? Knowing that Roger and John were going to stop by later, probably everything. “Do you remember yesterday evening, after you got out of surgery?”

“Erm, no?” He scrunched his face up in concentration. “I think...I remember waking up during the night, but not for more than a few minutes. It was dark and I felt exhausted, so I went back to sleep.”

 _Well, here goes._ Freddie kept caressing his tangled curls reassuringly. “The three of us came back to see you.”

“You did?”

“You really don’t remember?”

“It’s a blur. Why don’t I remember better?” he asked with a hint of distress.

“When you woke up, you were very heavily medicated,” he explained. “You were high. I’d never seen you like that before.”

Brian didn’t look happy. “Oh, great,” he muttered. “This is why I don’t touch drugs. What, did I say something stupid?”

Freddie pursed his lips. “Not stupid, no.” He stopped touching his hair and put his hands in his lap. He pressed his lips together tightly. 

Brian grew leery. “Oh god, what did I say?” he asked with dread.

Freddie’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You told them our little secret, darling.”

Brian’s eyes went wide and he inhaled sharply. “No.”

“Yes.”

“Shit!” he sat up, and then clutched his abdomen with a yelp of pain.

Freddie hurried to lightly push him back against the pillow. “You’ve got to lie down, dear.”

Brian’s face was pale and he had to take a moment to catch his breath. “What did I tell them?”

 _That we’re in love._ He licked his lips. “Let’s see...You wanted me to sit by you,” he listed everything off by counting on his fingers, “and you said I’m cute, and you called me _baby.”_ His cheeks heated up. “You were quite affectionate, really. It was easy for them to put two and two together.”

Brian put his face in his hands. “They’re never gonna let me hear the end of this,” he mumbled, humiliation sinking in.

“Probably,” he agreed with a sympathetic wince.

Brian put his hands down and looked guilty again. “I’m sorry, Freddie. I know we agreed to keep it secret. I didn’t intend to embarrass you.”

How well Brian knew him, that Freddie didn’t even need to say anything for him to know how he felt. “I know, dearie,” he said easily. “You clearly weren’t yourself or in any clear state of mind. I’m not angry at all.” 

He only looked slightly relieved. “How did Roger and John take the news?”

“They were bitches and teased you, of course, but they said they’re fine with it” He smiled a little. That was the one thing that made him happy about this, knowing his close friends were supportive. It was nice to have that validation. 

Brian’s eyebrows raised slightly. “That easy?”

“Apparently so.” He grinned shyly. “Roger said it looks like you care about me.”

Brian flushed as he let out a huff. “I do, but, god, I’m so glad I don’t remember what I said.”

Freddie hoped his laugh sounded genuine. _We’re in love._

The corner of Brian’s mouth twitched upwards. “Well, I guess it could have gone worse. I didn’t think they’d have a problem with us, but knowing for sure is nice. Still, maybe it’s better I don’t remember last night, eh?” he joked.

 _We’re in love, we're in love, we’re in love._ Freddie pushed away his crushing disappointment. “Maybe,” he agreed. He had to change the subject away from what Brian did and didn’t say. “Anyhoo, I suppose they were going to find out eventually.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

They settled into easy conversation after that, talking about the hospital and their music and nothing in particular. Brian just wanted to talk to take his mind off the pain, and Freddie was fine with that. The talking faded away, however, when one comforting kiss turned into two, and then two turned into several long, slow kisses. It felt so good to kiss Brian in earnest again. He loved when the few times they had days off this summer and they were able to spend all day in bed, alternating between kissing and fucking and napping. Freddie adored Queen, but he hoped they got more days like that soon. The angle wasn’t ideal as they kissed now, with Brian lying propped up against the pillow and Freddie’s neck twisted to meet his lips, but he didn’t complain. He just savored this, this experience which he almost lost for good. Brian’s lips were a little chapped, but he couldn’t care less. He kept their kisses as slow and sweet as toffee, his heart singing with happiness. All of the little sighs and hums of pleasure Brian breathed into their kisses were music to Freddie’s ears. His hands were carefully placed on Brian’s chest so he could feel his steady heartbeat beneath his palm. _He’s here. He’s here. He’s here. Love me._

There were two knocks on the door before it opened up.

Freddie and Brian parted with a wet _smack_ and their eyes shot to the doorway.

It was Roger and John, who immediately smirked at them. They hadn’t seen them kiss, but their facial expressions and red, swollen lips gave it away.

“Feeling better today, Brian?” Roger lowered his sunglasses and shot him a mischievous look.

Brian glared at him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t start.”

John was holding back a laugh, but he was merciful enough to change the subject. “Seriously, Brian, how do you feel today?”

The four of them chatted casually, and the awkward atmosphere from the kiss went away faster than Freddie anticipated. It was actually sort of relaxing not having to worry he was staring at Brian too much and Roger or John would catch on. He felt self-conscious about the whole thing, yes, but hiding everything for the past two months hadn’t been easy, either. Then again, it was still hard not to fret openly when Brian’s breath hitched in pain when he irritated his incision from laughing too hard. He wasn’t going to scold Roger and John for making Brian happy when he’d been so miserable recently, though.

After a little while, Freddie left the room for a few minutes to use the loo, leaving the three of them alone for five minutes. After all, he could trust Roger and John to behave for five minutes, right?

* * *

As soon as the door shut behind Freddie, Roger turned to him. “All right, so. Freddie told you about last night?”

Brian tried to sink back further into the pillow, but his incision throbbed and there was no way for him to actually make himself disappear in this bed. “Yeah,” he admitted reluctantly. “You don’t have to make me relive it.”

“Do you remember any of it?” he asked.

“No,” he said truthfully. “I don’t remember a thing between going into surgery and waking up in the middle of the night, alone.” He didn’t want to have this conversation. He wasn’t inherently opposed to gushing over his partner but it was different when his partner was a mutual friend they’d all known for years, not to mention their band mate, and Roger and John were the type to pick on him (clearly). Besides, he knew how shy and private Freddie could be, and although a part of Brian wanted to show him off to the world, he respected his wishes. Freddie’s earnest trust wasn’t easy to earn and he didn’t want to lose it, especially when their relationship was so new.

Roger nodded intently. “Okay, how much did he tell you?”

Brian was confused. He thought Roger was preparing to tease him, but the conversation seemed to be going in a different direction. “You’re going to make me say it?”

“Yeah!” he said enthusiastically. “Now come on, before he comes back.”

That made him suspicious. “Why’s he need to be gone?”

John sighed in annoyance. “You’re beating around the bush too much, Roger. Brian, you said the two of you are in love,” he said bluntly.

Brian sucked in a breath so quickly that it caught in his throat. He began coughing, which only sent sharp pains through his lower abdomen.

“Ah, so he didn’t tell you that,” John confirmed casually.

“No!” Brian choked out. He dug his fingers into the sheets, because fuck, that hurt. He didn’t want more morphine, though, particularly because of what happened last night. He got control over his breathing, but his heart pounded. He had imagined confessing his love to Freddie in bed, during a slow, tender fuck, just the way Freddie liked it, whilst they were in the comfort and privacy of one of their flats. He loved Freddie, of course he did, but he wished he hadn’t found out that way, and with company. The _one_ time he was high in his life (and not even from recreational drugs) and he apparently had his heart on his sleeve. It wasn’t totally surprising, though, considering how much he utterly adored Freddie. That didn’t make him hate his high self any less, however.

“We thought he wouldn’t,” Roger said, twirling his sunglasses between his fingers. “He didn’t think you’d meant it.”

His heart was beating rapidly and his face was hot, but that gave him pause. It felt like someone was twisting his heart. “What? Why not?”

Roger snorted. “Because you’re both morons, that’s why. He thought you only said it ‘cause you were drugged off your arse.”

The twisting pain in Brian’s chest increased. Freddie didn’t think he was serious? He may have been medicated, but he’d meant it. Brian had loved Freddie for a long time, and the fact that he didn’t know it, that he doubted it even when being told otherwise...Brian wasn’t being a good enough boyfriend. He wasn’t making him feel loved enough. _Fuck._ He’d done nothing but let Freddie down lately. He got way too much in his head and didn’t let Freddie in, only for it to completely backfire. They were partners now, so Brian should have told him what was going on. Moreover, he should have made it clearer how much Freddie meant to him.

“Earth to Brian!” Roger waved a hand in front of his face.

He startled. “What?”

“I told you to set the record straight,” he said firmly, his protective streak coming out. Since the beginning, Roger always looked out for Freddie, and it looked like that wasn’t about to change because Brian was his boyfriend. “We all know you couldn’t help it, and we,” he pointed to John, “thought it was funny, but Fred looked upset last night.”

Brian sighed deeply. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?” he asked, because that was always a possibility.

Roger looked like he wanted to murder him. “I swear to god, Brian, I’ll smother you with that pillow if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

Brian lazily gave him the finger. 

Roger gave it back.

“All right,” he conceded, “I’ll talk to him, but _not_ with you here,” he grumbled.

Roger laughed. “Like I’d want to see you be all mushy with Fred,” he made a kissy face.

Brian wished he could reach over and hit him, but that would hurt too much.

John, ever observant, said, “You haven’t denied that you’re in love with him.” He was barely holding back a smirk.

Brian hated today. “None of us make fun of you for being in love with Veronica,” he pointed out.

“That’s true, but you only know her through me. We’ve all known Freddie for years.”

“Yeah, it’s different,” Roger said with a shrug. He smiled coyly. “Plus, we don’t know what the hell he sees in you.”

Brian laughed despite himself, which only aggravated his incision again. “Oh, fuck off.”

“The goofy hair?” Roger wondered, putting his hand on his chin in mock thought.

“The tree-like physique?” John joined in.

Brian laughed more despite the pain and his growing blush. “Shut up!”

“The big nose?” Roger said, and bit his lip to hold back a laugh.

Then, the door opened behind them and Freddie returned.

* * *

When Freddie came in, Brian was red in the face and giggling, and Roger and John were smiling.

Freddie smiled curiously. “What’s so funny?”

Roger beamed at him. “Oh, we were just wondering what you like the most about Brian: his dumb hair, his big nose, or as Deacy put it, his tree-like physique?”

Freddie saw how smug Roger and John looked, but he was quick on his feet. He may not regularly talk about his love life with his friends, but _sex_ didn’t embarrass him. He knew they were only being friendly, but it was time to give them a taste of their own medicine. He gave them an innocent smile. “No, no, his best attribute is his big cock, of course,” he said smoothly.

That wiped the smiles right off their faces. John groaned in disgust, Roger gagged in anguish, and Brian shouted, “Freddie!”

Okay, maybe Freddie did see this as a _tiny_ piece of payback towards Brian for making him so flustered last night. He really didn’t hold it against him, but he was enjoying all of their reactions right now. He sat next to Brian with a satisfied smile. 

“I did _not_ need to know that,” Roger looked at him with a thunderous glare. “If you ever mention his dick again, I’ll quit the band,” he threatened.

Freddie batted his eyelashes. “But he’s so large and knows just how to—”

John stood up, chair screeching across the floor. “Well, that’s enough for me for today,” he said, monotone, looking slightly scarred. “I’m going to head out.”

Roger joined him. “Good idea,” he said, shooting a dirty look at Freddie, who winked in response. “Ugh, we’ll come by tomorrow and we can start talking about how we can still get your input on the album from your hospital bed.”

Brian was exasperated. “Sure,” he said faintly.

Once they were alone again, Brian turned to Freddie with a glare.

“It got them to leave, didn’t it?” Freddie asked innocently.

He took a moment to close his eyes and sigh heavily. “I’m going to pretend that never happened,” he said under his breath.

Freddie held back a giggle. “Serves them right for teasing you so.” 

Brian opened his eyes, and when he looked at him, his expression was more serious. Not angry or upset, but intense.

Freddie’s smile dropped. “What?”

Brian stared at him, his light eyes tired, but growing affectionate. It was the look he got sometimes in the studio, when Freddie would be hard at work only to lift his head and see him staring at him, and this was usually when Brian made up some excuse to take Freddie aside and kiss him until he was weak in the knees.

Brian sat up slowly, careful to avoid hurting himself, and he cupped his cheek.

Freddie went half-lidded. He often turned to goo in Brian’s hands, and it felt even better when he started caressing his cheek. Brian’s gaze turned incredibly soft, and Freddie nearly shivered from being the center of such undivided, gentle attention. He wished he could climb into the bed and cuddle him, but the last thing he wanted was to hurt him. He didn’t know what caused this shift in mood, but he wasn’t complaining.

“What, darling?” he asked.

Brian licked his lips. He caressed his cheek for a moment. “You know I meant it last night, right?” he asked, nearly whispering. 

His heart thumped so hard that it almost knocked the breath out of him. “Meant what?” he asked, so fearful of being wrong and getting rejected.

Brian placed a careful kiss on his forehead. “I’m in love with you,” he murmured against his skin.

Freddie’s mouth went slack and his eyes widened, his heartbeat in his ears. 

Brian was placing deliberate, tender kisses on his face. “Roger and John told me. Of course I love you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t shown you enough.” A kiss to his cheekbone. “You’re everything to me, baby.” A kiss to his temple. 

Freddie was caught between melting and tearing up. Was it true? Did Brian really love him, or was he just saying that to be kind? 

“Should’ve told you sooner,” Brian said, his breath ghosting over Freddie’s mouth. “You’ve been so good to me.” 

Freddie whined desperately and Brian captured his lips in a warm kiss. He wished he could cling to Brian and hide in his arms, but that would cause him far too much pain. _Tell me I’m good. Keep telling me you love me._ “Say it again,” he pleaded against his mouth.

“I love you,” Brian obeyed immediately.

Freddie was trembling. He kept his eyes closed, fearful tears would spill otherwise. All he ever really wanted was to be loved, and did he really have that now? Did things really turn out right for him? He was becoming overwhelmed.

Brian nuzzled the tips of their noses together and shushed him gently. “You’re shaking, honey.” He kissed him sweetly. 

Freddie wanted to hear those three words of love over and over, every single day. He didn’t know if he believed them quite yet, but they were so amazing to hear. He wanted to be loved by Brian May so badly. “I love you, too, Bri,” he confessed when his mouth was free, his voice cracking.

He kissed his cheek. “I’m glad. After I wore my heart on my sleeve last night, it would’ve been awkward if you didn’t.”

Freddie laughed and opened his eyes.

For the first time today, if only for a moment, there was no discomfort in Brian’s features, only fondness and a little bit of wonder.

Freddie smiled, cautiously optimistic that this was actually happening and that it was all for real. He was _loved._

Brian’s face only grew softer. “There’s my pretty smile.”

That never failed to make Freddie blush and giggle into his hand, because no one had ever said that before Brian. “You sure you’re not drugged again?” Freddie asked, voice filled with mirth.

Brian laid back on the pillow, eyelids lowered more than they had been a few minutes ago, growing tired. He was drained from everything that happened, and yet Freddie thought he looked charming. “Maybe. I do feel like gushing over you again.”

Freddie’s cheeks hurt from smiling. “Hush, you flirt.”

“You love it,” he said with a peaceful sigh.

“I do.” Freddie knew that Brian had a difficult recovery ahead of him, but he would be there for him. He laid his hand on top of Brian’s on the bed. “You should get some rest, love,” he said, rubbing his thumb over his hand. “It was an exciting morning, yes?” 

Brian looked like he wanted to protest, but he backed down when Freddie squeezed his hand. “Yeah, all right,” he gave in, although it was hard to tell if that was because he wanted to appease Freddie, or from the dark circles under his eyes. He kept his hand in Freddie’s and let his eyes flutter shut, turning his face on the pillow and getting comfortable. “Love you,” he murmured. He cracked open an eye and grinned. “Knew that’d make you smile.”

Freddie bit his lip, but his smile remained. _“Rest,_ darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soft
> 
> I made a tumblr btw! same username :)


End file.
